The Price of the “Good-Asian”: Navigating Tradition’s Intersection with Identity
Fitting in is a difficult task all on its own. Will I be accepted? Will the people around me like me for who I am? What if I don’t want to be like everyone else? What if I’m not like anyone else? I’ve always wondered where those thoughts came from for me. Why was this how I saw the world? What influences were around me that pressured me into thinking I was inadequate? Who convinced me I couldn’t fit in somewhere? It came from the pedestal of a person I was given as a child, the cultural and traditional norms that were instilled into me since birth. I haven’t grown up to be the “good-Asian” daughter I was “supposed” to be. It wasn’t just me who felt like this, but so many other children, adults, people. Traditional values and systems of judgment are a good way to establish a sense of identity and path in life, but ultimately they can become restrictive. Being the model “good Asian” is riddled with complexities that often lead to individuals having to sacrifice core personal attributes of themselves in order to fit into unfulfilling traditional molds that later reveal insufficient in tackling different perspectives throughout life.
Traditional values are crucial in shaping cultural identity, they provide people with a foundational framework that defines their place within their community, guiding their behavior. Personal identity can be founded in tradition, “Who would we be if not for the traditions passed down by our parents? We don’t choose where we’re born, but we can always choose to learn…more about who we came from, who we are” (Chapter 5: Family and Personal Values, Pew Research Center) which creates a safe space, a good basis for self discovery. Specifically to Asian cultures, qualities such as obedience, quietness, propriety, success, intelligence, are all traditional values one follows. Taught by parents and adult figures, adhering to these ideals give individuals a sense of belonging and solidarity to their cultural groups. The anecdotes of so many Asian American children are found to summarize this point; as kids they feel that they must respect their elders, listen to their parents, and follow rules accordingly in order to live a successful life where later they will be able to pay homage to their parents and those before them.
The model minority myth is a popular stereotype as well, where Asian Americans are proclaimed as a model minority for academic excellence, affluence, strong work ethic, freedom from problems and crime, and family cohesion. They are typically represented as overachievers who are intelligent, industrious, technologically savvy, self-disciplined, self-sufficient, and law-abiding.” (Cultural Heritage Is Important!) These traditional values especially at such a young age serve as a moral compass, offering guidance and setting expectations for how one should personally conduct themselves, and throughout their social interactions as well. As an example, respecting your elders has been a prominent value throughout various Asian cultures, helping individuals navigate their personal lives and forming social cohesion. The emphasis elders place on obedience and staying silent create an environment where conflict is reduced, and it’s more harmonious. These rules and social norms are simple and seem harmless, they develop a strong sense of identity for individuals because it's grounded in shared beliefs and practices that aren’t questioned. Support is fostered through social stability, as well as personal fulfillment. Culture has been preserved through centuries, and with that comes tradition as well as their values.
However, there is another side to the preservation of culture and its effects. Since these traditions hold centuries of history, they don’t change. Living by the standards of traditions dating back to years before someone was born is very restrictive. With intersectionality of identity being more prominent in the 21st century than ever before, it’s difficult to keep tradition and traditional stereotypes alive in such a modern world. The “stereotypes go beyond the media to affect the way both Asian Americans and the rest of Society perceive Asian Americans…That perception pressures Asian Americans to make a choice: To either renew ties with their heritage or assimilate as much as possible into the white world” (Asian Americans: Breaking down the Stereotypes, Christy Riedel) The restrictive boundaries of traditional stereotypes exert immense social pressure on individuals to conform to this framework of a “good Asian”. Although it’s historically very valuable, it’s not practical. This concept like mentioned before can be defined by characteristics like obedience, academic excellence, filial piety, modesty, etc, creating such a narrow definition of what fulfillment and success is. Throughout the turn of the 19th century, especially after the displacement of Asian people from their own countries after the Korean and Vietnam War, traditional stereotypes were being inflicted upon generations of Asian children living in a very anti-Asian world. Whether within an Asian Country or in the diaspora such as America, the expectation to conform and fit into the traditional molds can be overwhelming and overbearing on a person.
Immigration intensifies these pressures, families strive to keep tradition and culture alive whilst being in a country where they are not accepted, and trying to still navigate new societal expectations. College admissions exemplifies this pressure; the process often feels rigged against minorities, especially first generation students and children of immigrants. Legacy admissions, family wealth, systematic biases all create a daunting hierarchy of success which is impossible to follow when “admissions programs find that they are heavily biased toward children from rich families. For applicants with the same SAT score, kids from families in the top 0.1 percent were more than twice as likely to get in compared to the average student.” (Why Elite College Admissions Are Biased Toward the Superrich, Thompson) The disproportionate representation of success is perpetuated by traditional Asian stereotypes. The bureaucracy of college admissions is a direct reflection of the American social climate, where wealth can buy anything, and hard work proves to be useless in the grand scheme of success. When individuals follow traditional stereotypes trying to get into high achieving elite colleges, it ultimately blows up in their face, and they are deemed as failures in the eyes of their community.
In actuality, this isn’t true, there were unseen biases and obstacles in their way, but due to traditional values and standards, it’s a judgment of their personal characteristics, their failure to uphold traditional values. In Min Jin Lee’s “Pachinko” characters like Noa vividly embody the sacrifices demanded by these stereotypes. Lee writes, “Noa had been a sensitive child who had believed that if he followed all the rules and was the best, then somehow, the hostile world would change its mind.” (Pachinko, Min Jin Lee) The complexity of trying your entire life to reach a goal that has been unattainable from the start is a heartbreak realization, one that Noa makes towards the end of the book. He strives to embody this idea of the “good Asian” by excelling academically and attempting to assimilate into Japanese culture, however this pursuit forces him to suppress his Korean heritage and personal desires. When talking to Hansu, “She could not see his humanity, and Noa realized that this was what he wanted most of all: to be seen as human.” (Pachinko, Min Jin Lee) Noa has an identity crisis and his downfall highlights the personal cost of conforming to unrealistic expectations. He kills himself due to all the weight, all the turmoil he goes through living a life he thought he wanted, but he wanted for others, not for himself.
Similar to Noa, so many Asian Americans who have tried to conform to the “good Asian” mold share this feeling. The pressure to conform creates internal conflicts, feelings of inadequacy, loss of self, and repression of identity. Not just internally, but externally discrimination from parents, classmates, society all add to the feeling of exclusion. Living a life that strictly adheres to these traditional stereotypes often prove unsatisfying as seen through Noa, and many personal experiences of college admissions. Internal struggle is compounded by external social pressures, making it clear that while traditional values hold importance and guidance through one’s life they can also become restrictive boundaries, hindering personal growth. With the modern world growing day by day, it’s become clear the restriction tradition holds. To try and compete in a world that has already been set against you is a losing battle, yet since childhood people still try and come out victors. It’s an understatement to say that it’s impossible sometimes. The “good Asian” stereotype has become more complex because of the broader intersections of identity that are more prominent now in the modern world.
The nuances are multifaceted, requiring individuals to navigate a balance between what they personally desire and their cultural expectations. Literature and media frequently explore this tension, demonstrating how these conflicting demands shape the identity and perception of Asians. It can be seen heavily in books like Pachinko, and Jean Kwok’s Girl in Translation. Kimberly struggles to balance being this “good Asian” in front of her mom and friends. The clash between her Asian immigrant heritage and American environment serves as an example of the difficulty balancing personal identity with personal desires when the two don’t normally coexist in the same environment. These stories underscore the universal challenge of finding a personal path through the cultural boundaries and sometimes barriers. The question then arises, what causes the need to separate and not integrate the two? Those who seek to fit into the “good Asian” ideal may find their efforts met with systemic barriers, such as racism, and xenophobia, which undermine their achievements. Asians students who excel academically might still encounter racial biases in college admissions. This then leads to the feelings that they have failed at trying to fit in, something is wrong with them. This however is not the case.
It’s not the fault of the student as they are in an environment that is rigged against them, in a world where stereotypes are not fit to exist and aren’t encountered for. On the other hand, individuals who reject these molds still experience discrimination, just a different kind of it. Criticism can come from ostracism from within their own communities for not adhering to expected norms and principles. The results of this are still the same, alienation, identity conflict, feelings of failure. For those who have wanted to stray away from the norms, they are constantly met with backlash from adults, elders, classmates, peers, questioning why they have gone so far out of the bubble that was created for them. Merging traditional norms into a space they weren’t created for is a task that hasn’t been done well, and has consequences on both sides. Despite these pressures, following these stereotypes and adhering to traditional social expectations isn’t entirely negative. These practices help preserve culture like mentioned before, there is a sense of belonging. It’s up to the individual to decide how much that is worth to them, and if it’s even worth anything at all to them. Cultural traditions offer valuable moral frameworks and communal support, but again, in a modern society or non-Asian society, what is the value of that to an American with Asian heritage? The questions keep rolling over and over spreading deeper to become personal to individuals–what do they want, what do they value? These traditions without room for personal expression can stifle individuality and present people from building the lives they truly desire. The preservation of culture is essential, but it should not ever come from the expense of personal happiness or fulfillment.
The debate of being a “good-Asian” has multiple sides to it, there can never be one right answer. However, it has been proven time and time again, there is always a price that comes with it. Whether one conforms, it leads to failure and unfulfillment down the road, or if someone completely rejects these values, they are belittled and haunted by it. Being a “good-Asian” lies in the ability to balance cultural expectations with personal aspirations. Success and fulfillment are found not in wholly rejecting or embracing traditional molds, but navigating a middle path respecting the values of an individual, and which parts of their culture they choose to embrace and accept. Being able to understand the nuance is crucial in someone’s journey, as well as being more inclusive for the entire community.
Acknowledging that while cultural traditions are significant, they must evolve to accommodate the diverse experiences and identities of those who they aim to support.
The broader implications of the struggle to fit into these traditional molds span across more than just Asian culture, it extends to people of all backgrounds and identities, highlighting the universal challenges faced by individuals across various cultures. Cultures worldwide have their own expectations and versions of norms. They all follow a traditional path of politeness, mannerisms, etc. However, the second that any of these traditions mesh with intersectional identities that weren’t accounted for prior to the most recent generation, these traditions are seen right through to their core. They are not a sustainable way to live. People are not able to stay consistent, humans especially can’t stay stagnant in a world that constantly changes around them, not to imply that it’s what tradition does, ust to point out the evolving nature that we all possess inherently. The difficulty of being so in tune with your beliefs makes it hard to accept something you were born into. Identities cross overtime, and to forcefully follow a life path that you didn’t want to or didn't have a choice to is how the balance is disrupted. Learning from these experiences is important to creating spaces that honor the balance. Autonomy is important, the pressure to fit in should never disrupt that, rather it should teach us about the resilience required to maintain one’s identity amidst any external expectations. The need for a community to evolve and embrace change helps groups recognize the harm that rigid stereotypes and social pressures can inflict on individuals. Fitting in is applicable to any situation, any person, everyone, at any time.
Empathizing with the universal nature of these challenges and societies can help them thrive without having the individuality of a person get sacrificed. Happiness and fulfillment is the important factor at the end of the day, and it can be achieved. The “good Asian” stereotype has been built over decades of trauma, war, and tradition. Although it is outdated, it’s important to recognize in the grand scheme of identity, and where identity comes from. It explains a lot of nuance in the lives of Asian individuals, as well as everyone else in the world. Wanting to be on the same pedestal you looked up to, and slowly realizing that you’ve been admiring an issue all along. You’ve placed attachment and value to something that is too far out of reach, too deep into impossible. Once you break down that pedestal, you can see it objectively, you can see how it’s not all bad, but how being placed so high in value is detrimental. There is no way to be a good Asian, but to be yourself.