It truly does take a village (or entire generations) of women to raise a child. These moments that women share reflect cultural inheritances. The practices that follow: the systematized routine of childbirth, the consumption of sweets, and the recitation of the Adhan in the ear of a baby, all reflect a model of life that continues to shape the lives of Bangladeshi women.
For Sajni, the move to America was more than a decision to seek out a better life for her daughter—it was the actualization of a dream. Her mother had lived vicariously through her for decades, instilling passions for a brighter future abroad. By the time Sajni had arrived in America, an infant daughter in tow, her mother had passed away. Not even having reached fifty, Sajni’s mom succumbed to liver cancer. It is unknown if she would have been alive, had she ever reached her own dream of America to seek out proper medical treatment.
Losing her mother hit Sajni deeply and only strengthened her connection to her father and brothers. Her family was an integral part of her life, as is the case with most collectivist family archetypes in South Asia. This is a common model in South Asian households, where entire generations often live under one roof. While men were typically responsible for providing for the family, it was the women who maintained and nurtured these quasi-village homes, often set within large courtyard-style houses with multiple wings to accommodate multiple generations. Growing up in this environment, Sajni describes how her brother’s are her strongest supporters, “If I say something, if I want to do something, they just tell me, go, go ahead and just do it, or whatever you want, we will do it for you.” Perhaps this undying devotion is what fuels Sajni’s drive to live with them, only being forced back to reality in America.
Left: A village house in rural Bangladesh. Right: Mass urbanization in Bangladesh.
Whatever memories of Bangladesh live within her, perhaps the most treasured is the birth of her first daughter. This was a moment when three generations of women were united in that hospital room: Sajni, her mother, and her newborn baby. This matriarchal undercurrent is not unique to Sajni only. In “Galpa: Short Stories by Women from Bangladesh,” two Bangladeshi professors work to faithfully translate short stories that represent a variety of issues that women from Bangladesh tackle.
One such issue is childbirth. Sajni was fortunate. Her husband was well off. She gave birth to her daughter in a private clinic. This is not the case for all women. In the short story “Relief Camp,” women, young and old, gather for the birth of a child in a UN relief camp set up following violent floods. Many of these women lived in cramped slums prior to their evacuation. Despite arguments over food, belongings, and space—like one woman accusing anothers son of stealing a towel and shouting, “God will punish you. Your tongue will fall out” (Azim & Zaman, 65)—the women still manage to form a structured system that mirrors a traditional family, with each person taking on familiar female roles.
During the birth, we witness several moments of emotional tension as the women instinctively fall into their roles. The elderly women serve as midwives, helping to guide the birth of the child. “Rahima Bibi has always been a light sleeper… She is sixty years old, with greying hair… In her village she often assisted at births… All the wives and mothers of the village were extremely fond of her” (Azim & Zaman, 67). The younger women gather around the expectant mother, soothing her nerves and fetching water while the young girls guard the space. “Chan Bibi emerges… ‘Go and heat some water, will you? Jaigun, hang up a sari on the side. Don’t let anyone come in’” (Azim & Zaman, 68). The women have created a system. A system that has carried itself over oceans and generations.
Sajni explains the emotion that took over that hospital room—emotions that the women in the UN Camp also felt. Sajni recounts her mother’s reaction, “And my mom is so happy that I cannot explain.” She could not see her mother’s face, but she could hear the joy in her mother's voice as she held her first grandchild. Similarly in “Galpa,” the story ends with the women rejoicing in the birth of a child, “‘Here sweeten your mouth with a pitha (sweet)… For the the first time a child is born here. It is a happy day for all of us’” (Azim & Zaman, 69). It truly does take a village (or entire generations) of women to raise a child. These moments that women share reflect cultural inheritances. The practices that follow: the systematized routine of childbirth, the consumption of sweets, and the recitation of the Adhan in the ear of a baby, all reflect a model of life that continues to shape the lives of Bangladeshi women.
Typical Bangladeshi sweets are often exchanged to commemorate celebratory occasions.
In guiding herself through motherhood, Sajni embraces the inevitable merging of cultures that all immigrant families experience. She highlights another key facet of Bangladeshi-American culture, one that is rooted in the practice of Islam. Oftentimes, there is a clash between culture and religion, which for many immigrants can become a pervasive and even destructive force. Sajni takes a different approach; she values her daughters and works to teach them cultural values while also recognizing that they are shaped by the world around them, in this case, the melting pot that is New York City. “I try to teach like our culture, like the Islamic way… however, they can grow up. I cannot give them everything.” She adds on how her daughters embrace the new “Now the like they grow up and they raised like two, three different kind of cultures. So they want to take the all culture, they want to mix up the all culture. So as much as I can, I can give it to them.”
A halal grocery store in New York City reflects the multicultural environment in which immigrants raise their children.
Sajni highlights an important aspect of religious education in immigrant culture: madrasas. Similar in purpose to Sunday schools in Christian communities, madrasas are Islamic schools that focus on teaching subjects like the Quran, Islamic law, and religious sciences. Sajni sent her daughters to an informal madrasa led by her sister-in-law, a respected woman who has helped educate generations of children in the ways of the Prophet Muhammad. By understanding the importance of letting her daughter forge their own life guided by her steady hand, Sajni appears to have a very forward-thinking nature.
Al-Jamiatul Arabia Haildhar Madrasa, the first female Madrasa in Bangladesh.
This is reflected in her desire to pursue higher education, driven by her wish to be more than she currently is. “But yeah, I wants to go start to school again, to like some college degree to take it in here. But unfortunately, I–I couldn't like find any good option or good option or good opportunity that I can take it.” She laments her only regret, “… if I have a like a chance or if I can't do it, I can start it again my study.” This dream of hers is one that many immigrant women suppress due to limited support, cultural expectations, and the challenges of balancing family responsibilities with personal ambitions. Sajni also underscores the importance of self-sufficiency in this world. “Whatever, however you just need to make your like your own income, make your own expense. The you don't need to go some someone's to ask okay can I get some money to spend? So like, let's that your first and last choice to like—do it yourself something for a new future.”
While her candidness is admirable, this is an option not all immigrant women are offered either. Instead, they are at the mercy of their families, often patriarchal in nature. Despite this, Sajni continues to serve as an example of a woman with a multifaceted approach to life. She manages a career, raising two daughters, and maintains an excellent friendship with the people in her life. Her story is part of a larger, time-honored system in South Asian immigrant households, where countless women work to support entire generations of families. To learn more about the models of motherhood in the South Asian diaspora, explore the writing of Keah Sharma, who provides an analysis of what it means to be a mother within the generations of women, as well as a critique of certain caricatures of the community through literature and poetry.
Al-Jamiatul Arabia Haildhar Madrasa, the first female Madrasa in Bangladesh.